so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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