Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
