we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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