my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
