Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
