At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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