im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
