Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
