Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
pop tarts are not kleenex
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
