does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
