I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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