Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize