what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
