every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
