Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
