Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
