is your mom at the bar?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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