DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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