she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
