he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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