What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
