So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
