Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
