God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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