I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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