And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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