one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she looked like the before picture.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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