U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
