I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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