I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
