I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
