Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
