After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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