so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
