All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
