guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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