not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
