I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
