ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
