just tell him i said nine months
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
