is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
