Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
