i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
