omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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