I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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