i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
