Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bring me that man meat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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