Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
