pop tarts are not kleenex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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