If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
