there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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