Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
