Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
