I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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