Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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