I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
