She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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