Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
