I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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