I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
