well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
