A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
