did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
where does the pee come out of this thing
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
