So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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