I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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