who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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