I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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