i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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