guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
