is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
