According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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