her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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