dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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