Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
