maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Randomize
