you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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