im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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