he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
