mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
