I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
