And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize