Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize