im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
someone owes me an orgasm
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
